The Big Bang Theoryhas a lot of scientific humor that we can only pretend to understand, and because of this, there needs to be a character that is a little more down-to-earth in their delivery. That character is Howard Wolowitz. But make no mistake, Howard is an accomplished engineer, and has even gone to space with the Russians to make sure their toilet worked properly, so he’s not without his credentials.
What separatesHoward from Sheldon, Leonard, and Raj, is that despite his own shortcomings on the social front, he’s much better at reading the room than the rest of them. And with this ability to read the room, Howard delivers so many quotable lines that make him the voice of reason in many instances. Not only is Howard highly intelligent, but he’s arguably more sarcastic than Chandler Bing fromFriends.If you’re a die-hardFriendsfan, and don’t believe us, then sit tight, because we’re going to pummel you with 11 of Howard’s best quotes throughout the run ofThe Big Bang Theory, so you’re able to see for yourself.
11"Is the point you’re an idiot?"
In “The Itchy Brain Simulation,” Leonard has a wager with Sheldon in which he has to wear an incredibly itchy sweater for days. It’s Leonard’s hope that he can prove to Sheldon that living with a little bit of discomfort is no big deal after Sheldon reveals to him that not returning a DVD to the rental store years ago caused quite a bit of mental discomfort, or an “itch.”
Howard watches as Leonard slowly unravels unlike the sweater he’s forcing himself to wear, which is surprisingly well-made. When Leonard suggests that he has to see this sweater experiment through to “prove a point,” Howard asserts that the only point he’s making is that he’s an idiot.
Related:The Big Bang Theory: Leonard Hofstadter’s 10 Best Quotes
10"Have you met my mother? I live in Jewish hell."
One of the best characters that we’ve never seen in a sitcom has to be Howard’s mother. Though her off-screen verbal exchanges with Howard are pure comedy gold, her loud Brooklyn accent is absolutely jarring, and something we could imagine is incredibly difficult to live with. As much as Howard loves his mother, it’s clear that her incessant yelling isn’t always great for his mental health, especially when he’s trying to bring a girl home to do the nasty.
When Sheldon tries to get Howard to do a favor for him, he suggests that the prospect of Jewish Heaven should be reason enough to get some assistance. When Howard pushes back with the fact that there isn’t a Jewish heaven, Sheldon suggests that he should still help him to avoid Jewish Hell. But Howard is ready to push back once again by stating that living with his own mother is already a form of Jewish Hell that he’s already living in.
9"Smart. Whisper so the deaf chick doesn’t hear you!"
When Raj introduces everybody to his deaf girlfriend, Emily, the gang initially doesn’t know how to approach a conversation. Luckily for Raj, Howard is proficient in American Sign Language, and is able to facilitate some of their earlier conversations.
Penny, in her infinite wisdom, wanted to ask something about Emily while she was present, so she lowered her voice to a whisper, so Emily wouldn’t hear her. Howard can never resist an opportunity to be snarky and sarcastic, so he immediately has to call out Penny for her misguided attempt to be secretive.
8"I give you actual quotes I’ve heard Raj say, and you guess if he was talking to his girlfriend or his dog."
In “The Anxiety Optimization,” Howard has some fun at Raj’s expense by creating a new game called “Emily or Cinnamon.” Cinnamon is Raj’s Yorkshire Terrier, and the love of his life. But Howard can’t help but notice that it’s very hard to tell the difference between moments when Raj is talking nice to his girlfriend Emily, or to his dog.
The game is simple: Howard quotes Raj, and the gang has to guess if the quote could be directed toward Emily or Cinnamon. The game included, but was not limited to quotes like, “I want you to know the bed feels so lonely when you’re not in it,” and, “check it out, I got us matching sweaters!”
Despite how overbearing Howard’s mother has proven herself to be throughout the run ofThe Big Bang Theory, her intrusive personality is coming from a place of love. But the gang thinks he has to draw the line at some point. When Bernadette sincerely asks Howard if his mother calls him every day at work to see if he’s eating healthy, Howard, without hesitation, confirms her suspicion, but also elaborates by saying that she also makes sure histrips to the bathroomare regular and fruitful.
6"Oh, Bernie, you’re gonna have to sound a lot more confident when we get audited."
If you’re reading this article, then you know that the entire gang of guys onThe Big Bang Theoryare massive nerds who blow most of their disposable income on toys, comic books, and video games. When Bernadette becomes the breadwinner with her pharmaceutical job, Howard takes this opportunity to up his spending on a number of unnecessary expenditures. Though his spending isn’ttotallyreckless, it’s enough to cause some concern during tax season.
Howard gets questioned by Bernadette whenshe’s filing their taxes, and stumbles across a number ofreceipts from the Lego store. Howard tells her that the $200 R2-D2 can get written off as a business expense, but she’s not comfortable making such a claim on her form 1040. Howard reassures her that it’s okay, but also suggests she practices her poker face should the IRS hit them with a surprise audit.
5"Koothrappali’s going to wet himself, I’m gonna throw up, Sheldon’s gonna run away, and you’re going to die."
The only thing funnier than a gaggle of nerds misappropriating their funds on toys is trying to pick a fight. In “The Financial Permeability,” Leonard finds out Penny’s ex-boyfriend, Kurt, is causing quite a bit of financial distress, which is causing her to fall behind on her rent and other bills. Leonard knows that he can’t go alone in hitting Kurt up for the money he owes Penny, so he recruits the help of Raj, Sheldon, and Howard.
But Howard knows how futile this plan will turn out to be, because Kurt is a jock, and they are not. When Leonard asks the gang if they’re clear on the plan, Howard does not parse his words when he says, “Koothrappali’s going to wet himself, I’m gonna throw up, Sheldon’s gonna run away, and you’re going to die” before suggesting that they synchronize their watches.
4“You make me wanna kill myself!”
We mentioned earlier that we never actually see Mrs. Wolowitz on-screen, but we can’t stress enough how legendary her exchanges with Howard are throughout the series. In “The Killer Robot Instability,” Howard is down in the dumps after getting humiliated by Penny, and seeks refuge in his bedroom.
Much to his dismay, Leonard calls the Wolowitz residence looking for him, and the back and forth between Howard and his mother devolves in its usual fashion. When Mrs. Wolowitz asks Howard if she wants Leonard to bring over his homework, Howard yells back that he is a grown man with a master’s degree. When Mrs. Wolowitz offers Howard a popsicle, but reveals to him that only the green-flavored ones are left, Howard loudly yells that living with her makes him want to kill himself.
3"I’m a horny engineer, Leonard. I never joke about math or sex."
In an effort to level the playing field, so the guys can get dates, Howard comes up with a formula called the “Wolowitz Coefficient.” Borrowing from the Drake Equation, which is used to calculate the odds ofcontacting alien life, Howard modified the formula to account for the number of single women living in their area, and then subdividing by the amount of women who might actually find them attractive.
Howard’s formula boasts 5,812 potential sex partners within a 40-mile radius. When Leonard questions Howard’s math, Howard makes it clear that his horniness and mathematical prowess are two things he never jokes about as a horny engineer.
Related:The Big Bang Theory: The Best Romantic Gestures in the Show
2"Try telling him it’s a non-optional social convention."
If there’s one thing that Howard excels at, it’s manipulating Sheldon to do his bidding. One such form of manipulation is getting Sheldon to go to events that he’d rather avoid like the plague. Given Sheldon’s lack of social skills, it’s easy to pull one over on him, and get him to “play human” every once in a while.
In “The Peanut Reaction,” Penny is tasked with getting Sheldon to go out and buy Leonard a birthday present, but she’s facing the usual resistance one would expect. Howard, knowing how to grease the wheels, suggests that Penny tells Sheldon that purchasing a birthday present for your friend is a “non-optional social convention.” And it’s that simple! When Penny asks Howard how that worked, Howard simply states that Sheldon came with an instruction manual.
