Fans of cult cinema that’s ‘so bad it’s good’ may want to keep their eyes out forCrabs!,a bonkers horror film that may have foundinspiration from horseshoe crabs. Those are the ones that look like they probably should have gone extinct a million years ago. Not only are they still going strong, but they finally got a starring role in a movie, and it’s about as ridiculous as you could hope.
The film is a derivative hodgepodge of every 1980s schlockfest with a bit of Kaiju genre mixed in for good measure.Crabs!brings together endless clichés under one insane roof that could give Lloyd Kaufman and Charles Band a run for their money. It’s really too badwe lost Gilbert GottfriedasCrabs!inspires a relaunch ofUSA Up All Night, when the network would run tasteless cinema hosted by Gottfried, who would use his unique voice to call out the movie’s shortcomings and outrageous antics.
Directed byPierce Berolzheimer,Crabs!is hopefully the first of many films from the inventive filmmaker. Unfortunately, in the modern era’s messy realm of digital distribution, especially for independent films, it’s challenging to identify whereCrabs!can be seen or obtained. While physical media has dwindled in the United States, it’s still a major benchmark for media consumption in other parts of the world. While movie purists and collectors keep the physical media business alive, there will likely be a resurgence of more mainstream physical media in the U.S. as streaming services likeNetflix begin to reach their profit ceilingsand filmmakers turn to a more tried and true form of distribution.
Films likeCrabs!are what DVD and Blu-ray were made for, offering unique packaging, obscure special features, and reversible cover art options.Crabs!was released under the Raven Banner distribution company out of Canada, which also put outPsycho Goreman,another modern cult classicthat leaned heavily into physical distribution featuring a CD soundtrack, trading cards, stickers, and even bookmarks. While Raven Banner has dabbled with physical media, the company seems to prefer the less meaningful digital format.Physical media certainly still has its place, especially for genre fans, and a film likeCrabs!could certainly use all the bells and whistles of a special edition release.
So here’s everything you never needed to know aboutCrabs!
Crabs!: Endless Inspirations
Crabs!may actually be a film that dates back many years. Films of this unique caliber often rely on festival exposure and word-of-mouth to achieve a larger distribution platform. This kind of grassroots awareness is incredibly important for the success of cult cinema, andCrabs!may finally be peaking in this regard.
Interestingly, the film’s lead character is wheelchair-bound, possibly taking inspiration from 1985’sSilver Bulletor maybe 1988’sMac & Me. Differentiating the character is his affinity toward technology. Philip McCalister is a tech geek. When he gets his hands on a super-powered mail order battery (that looks like it came from outer space), the boy uses the technology to power an apparatus that allows him to walk again.
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[SPOILERS AHEAD]
This same technology is the plot device used to summon the film’s Kaiju third act love letter. The movie also has a sequence directly inspired byGremlins,where the creatures run amuck throughout the portside town of Mendocino, California.The crabs also change form at one point and become man-sized monsters with surprisingly effective creature suits that call back to 1980sHumanoids From The Deep.
Crabs!is packed with every cliché you’ve ever seen in a B-movie, particularly from the ’80s. Tonally, the film feels likean R-ratedGoosebumpsspecial. This is off-putting most of the time, with performances feeling a little awkward and misguided. The movie also relies heavily on cheap overlay special fx, but there are a number of impressive practical efforts.
Crabs!: Bold Choices
Crabs!features a character named Radu whose voice is so over-the-top it stands out among many of the film’s most outrageous creative choices. With the actor Chase Padgett possibly going for some kind of Eastern European accent, the character’s presence weighs heavy. Other jaw-dropping choices include opening the film with blatant sex and nudity, constant swearing with F-bombs dropping rather carelessly, overt gore, and a former student hooking up with their high school teacher.
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Crabs!gets somewhat lost in its own self-adoration, which may or may not be to the film’s detriment. While the movie follows a kind of tried and true creature feature formula, it definitely goes off the deep end, complete with a low-budgetPacific Rimstyle mech suit vs. giant crab monster finale. Why not? Keep your eye peeled forCrabs!It’s as terrible as it is amazing.
